Time to reintroduce.
I am Mamta Sharma Das whom you fondly follow as The BohoBaalika on internet.
Mother of one, a zesty color crazy woman and lover of life. Artistic, Poetic and unconventional. Loves Fashion, Culture, Aesthetic Living, Sarees, Frida Kahlo and Mangoes. An ordinary woman who calls herself a human rainbow chaseing to live a simple& meaningful life.
I have a little story to share about me. Hope it touches your life in some way and gives u a little reminder that nothing in life is permanent not even our troubles.
My blogging journey started last year on my birthday, that’s May 2017.
BEING A PARENT ~
I have been a marketing and PR professional, who has served 8 long years in media and operations, who took a break from this corporate bandwagon some 4 years ago upon the arrival of my sunshine girl.
I pretty much would have been doing the same keeping my passions at bay but they say, life is most unpredictable and you never know what it throws at you. On turning 2 my daughter was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. A spectrum that fall under the AHD family. She was non verbal. Did not show social signs and lacked attention.
It breaks your heart when your child does not catch up on the requisite normal milestones. You’re left in a bizarre state of mind when the diagnosis also shows uncertainty until they grow and show more predictive signs. Emotions overpowered me and left me exhausted and angry. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and already had the horrible post partum nemesis that lead me put on oodles of weight out of binge eating and over stress. In short I hated my existence.
I didn’t know where it was moving at first but then I decided I need to get strong and take charge of things. I first need to educate myself on the situation, me and my child was put in by destiny and not just accept but embrace the shortcoming. Only research and credence can let you find peace on such matters.
I dropped the idea of going back to a normal conventional job and consistently lost myself in mothering and nurturing her thru special education programs and various therapies. The good news was she was a mild category.
Parenting a child with any sorta disability or delay in milestones can be a challenge, and often those challenges feel like a strong tidal wave coming at us, threatening to make us lose our balance, to fall, to give up. But I did not. I think the love for our children compels us to stand strong against the tide crashing against us.
And along with that, It is tiresome when other people throw judgments at us. It is insulting as well as heartbreaking, when people hint that we could do better and that our children’s behaviors are a result of poor parenting. The constant battle with society, schools, doctors, relatives etc is exhausting.
The negativity is such that we often question ourself if we are doing enough. Deep down we wonder, could I do more? Could I try harder? Am I really doing all I can do? Sometimes, we have an overwhelming feeling of failing at everything we do because we don’t have enough time or energy to do it all. We feel like we are failing with our kids, failing at our marriage, failing at keeping a neat home, failing at life altogether.
This does affect you. Infact me and my daughter initially lacked bonding, I hated motherhood. I often was frustrated and cursed life for being sounfair on me. It is also hard when you cannot understand your child a bit because of the speech delay, it can be frustrating when you cannot have a conversation with your own baby. The lack of communication also affects other social interactions and the forming of friendships. It is especially hard when your child is non-verbal but we kept fighting and slowly and gradually on turning 3, she showed tremendous growth and improvement and that’s when I decided even if I do not plan to work fullterm I would now commence on my journey towards self celebration.
I know there no such word that exist as self celebration, but what I merely decided to do is to record the battles I had, and how I transformed myself in my shortcomings. Basically do everything that I could not because of various circumstances in the years gone by. The journey wasn’t easy and still it isn’t but the idea is to contend and be happy.
WHERE I COME FROM
Life never came easy to me. I lost my father when I was 9 and my mother had a new born. I have been raised by a beautiful free spirited single mother. i think thats where I get it from. Due to various constraints, I could not make it to a design college, I was brilliant in art, but instead perused a summer job and studies simultaneously. My mother could not alone bare a lavish lifestyle and expensive colleges for us both. One had to be sacrificing, rather understanding and its usually the eldest.
I bagged some 50 odd number of trophies in various art shows and competitions through out my school and college life. I represented my school at international level too. My dark themed paintings made me popular for my age. I gave up painting some years ago but my mom has still preserved my precious certificates and trophies in our little home, I look at them at times and it feels good.
I went ahead choosing safer options in career and lead a pretty conventional life till my late 20s. Keeping responsibility of almost a decade younger sibling and a single mother, few decisions, came without choices. The break through began when I got married. I felt secured and independent finally.
Touching 30 was revolutionary in terms of acceptance, peace and freedom. In less than 6 months of blogging, my work began to get noticed and I got approached by various designers and brands all over the country. My following organically strengthened and people started enjoying excerpts from my life, my writings, my fashion sense and for who I was.
My admiration for Frida Kahlo isn’t new anymore. Delightedly, I was covered by blogs and newspapers for stories on my love for her.
By the start of 2017, my sanity began with the decision of first losing weight and believe me there is no greater joy than being in the best form of fitness. Having a good body is confidence of another level. I worked hard and shed about 14 whopping kilos. I shared my story and weight loss with my followers. My daughter was showing speedy development that further added on to my glory and motivation.
I was always fond of sarees and dressing up. I started styling myself and started writing slices of my life with no factual plans or tricks and trades of how professional blogging works. It all went as it came, like I am penning my thoughts here at the moment.
I am happy with the little place I have made for my self and I aspire to get into art direction / conceptualized styling soon.
WHERE I AM
I get criticism, I get praises but beside all this that has gone by, I really want to love and live my natural flow, I am not competitive by nature, I like the process not the destination moreover I cannot get ungrateful for what life has bestowed upon me. I am slow i like it slow.
What if all I want is a small, slow, simple life? What if I am most happy in the space of in between? Where calm lives. What if I am mediocre and choose to be at peace with that
The world is such a noisy place. Loud, haranguing voices lecturing me to hustle, to improve, to build and strive, yearn and acquire, compete and grasp for more for bigger and better. Sacrifice sleep for productivity. Strive for excellence. Go big or go home. Honestly I have had my tides, gave my tests, why I call myself a boho is, I am good. I really am. I have no plans for future. I want to cruise to a world unknown. I am no part of a rat race, No true artist is.
Rushing too fast I cannot be drained on Joy, especially why it all started and where it all began.
I am happy in reading more books, see my girl giggle out loud. Do poetry read poetry. Do my home. Paint a picture, brew a coffee. Admire Frida. Learn Urdu, Flaunt Hindi and dance like no one’s watching
एक उम्र वो थी कि, जादू में भी यक़ीन था…!
एक उम्र ये है कि, हक़ीक़त पर भी शक़ है….!!